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‘In my case, it was never the partner who invited himself – it was always the friend asking if was OK if they could come like they can’t bear to be without them for a moment.
‘I began to find it offensive, like I wasn’t good enough company or that my feelings weren’t being considered.’ When Gina broke up with her own boyfriend last year, she says that the last thing she wanted was to be hanging out with a happy couple – even though she counted her mate’s boyfriend as a friend in his own right. ‘Sometimes I’m super excited to see my friends’ boyfriends but sometimes I’m just like: “Again?
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You could just have a straight up conversation with your friend and let them know that you totally get that they love you spending time with their partner and you are touched that they want you and their partner to hang out so much, but that you would like some alone time with them. ’ However she goes on to say that if you’re fed up that your once partner-in-crime is now coming along to parties and social gatherings with their new beau, ‘then my love, you need to do some work on that for yourself’. ‘It’s natural to miss a friend when s/he isn’t as available as s/he used to be when s/he was single and it’s no longer the two of you having fun out in the world. ‘So make sure you do book them in for those exclusive nights out or in – just the two of you – to remind yourself that you haven’t lost them and then embrace the change and start saying yes to opportunities to meet new people and expand your social group…who knows who might meet in the process.’ Tamsin Embleton is a psychotherapist who works with the NHS and also runs a private practice in London.
‘And then suggest something the two of you could do together – just the two of you.’ The key, she says, is not to make it sound like you’re complaining about the situation. She tells uk that first of all, you need to work out what’s going on for you when their partner comes along, and what might be going on for them too, before you broach the subject. Reflect on what’s going on for you and it’ll help you work out the next steps.
‘I find it pathetic when people can’t make arrangements without their boyfriends. I wanted to talk about my new blow job technique and this dude’s weird bell-end! Most of the conversations in my friendship group tend to centre around relationships and sex.
No matter how brazen you are, when someone’s partner (often of the opposite gender) turns up it can be difficult to keep the conversation going, let alone be as open as you normally might be.